It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s the sound I heard when I was 9 and my father slammed the front door so hard behind him I swear to god it shook the whole house. For the next 3 years I watched my mother break her teeth on vodka bottles. I think she stopped breathing when he left. I think part of her died. I think he took her heart with him when he walked out. Her chest is empty, just a shattered mess or cracked ribs and depression pills.
It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s all the blood in the sink. It’s the night that I spent 12 hours in the emergency room waiting to see if my sister was going to be okay, after the boy she loved, told her he didn’t love her anymore. It’s the crying, and the fluorescent lights, and white sneakers and pale faces and shaky breaths and blood. So much blood.
It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s the time that I had to stay up for two days straight with my best friend while she cried and shrieked and threw up on my bedroom floor because her boyfriend fucked his ex. I swear to god she still has tear streaks stained onto her cheeks. I think when you love someone, it never really goes away.
It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s the six weeks we had a substitute in English because our teacher was getting divorced and couldn’t handle getting out of bed. When she came back was smiling. But her hands shook so hard when she held her coffee, you could see that something was broken inside. And sometimes when things break, you can’t fix them. Nothing ever goes back to how it was. I got an A in English that year. I think her head was always spinning too hard to read any essays.
It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s that I do.It’s not that I don’t love you. (via extrasad)
Yvette: Jody, I know you love me. I also know you fuck other girls. I don’t like it, but I know you. So just be real with me. Man, you gone be honest or what?www.oneknee-media.com
Jody: If you can take it. You’re starting to get on my nerves with this shit Yvette.
Yvette: I’m getting on your nerves? And you’re the one fucking around. You get with any of them girls you sell dresses to?
Jody: A few. There. You feel better now? I love you, girl. You got my son and you probably gone be my wife. You want me to be honest?
Yvette: Yeah, I do.
Jody: You’re my woman. Them other ho’s is tricks. I make love to you, I want to be with you, but I fuck other females occasionally. I don’t know why, I just do. That’s the situation. You feel better now? That’s some honesty for yo ass. Deal with it. I love you enough to be honest.
Yvette: Jody, If you loved me, you wouldn’t lie to me all the time. Move!
Jody: Hold on. You got it all twisted up! I lie ‘cause I do love you. Being honest would mean I don’t give a fuck. Out on the street, I tell the ho’s the truth. I lie to you because I care about your feelings
time Is ill matic